Lunes, Oktubre 31, 2011

Seeing it MY WAY...

Okay, here's what happened: I'll cut the shortcuts and proceed to the detailed happenings of my life...my recent life happening.

I was browsing posts on Tumblr when I saw my classmate message my other classmate. An insignificant message, though but I now finally found out the url of my classmate. It's been a complicated one so I haven't succeeded on my previous tries of locating it.
Anyway, I typed the url and then, I started browsing her posts. After a few pages, I saw her post about what happened that day. She was my groupmate on my Economics project and so far, she hasn't done anything. Come on, it's a business proposal and all that, of course it's hard to do!
There were maths, and computations, and all the in-betweens. So, obviously, we needed her help. We've spent a lot of time finishing it without her and her shadow on sight. Still, we did that. Without her significant help.
The day before the passing, one of my groupmates made her type the drafts and make the Sales Projections. She finally said yes. And take note that she didn't come to us for her part. We came to her. Might as well include her in the grade or something.

Well, we did the other things that were still left unfinished.

---The Next Day---

She didn't come to school because she caught a fever. Well, she delivered her finished work and yeah, we put  up with it even though her Sales Projections was just copy-pasted from the internet, not even bothering to change the company's name. So yeah, it was fine with me. She did help a little bit.
But last night, I couldn't help letting out my feelings. Had she done something on our project? Had she put on her full efforts in it? Had she slept late because she had so many things to type, or edit? Had she spent her free time on her classmates' house instead of just resting?

NO. She wasn't there when all of us were. And now there she was saying that she had so much work to do and she was sick and their ink was very expensive and all. There she was cursing all the way down to her last scene of events when she wasn't there when we passed it. To top it all off, she posted my exact words on Tumblr making me the bad guy of her story. Yet, here I sat in front of my computer screen, letting the steam come off silently.
How in the world did she found out our side comments and complaints?
All because of a mouth who could never stop talking about someone else's life. I knew her attitude ever since we met but I wasn't this irritated. If she had kept her mouth shut, nobody would have problems.

Well, hey, I'm not perfect. My patience runs a little dry at times. I had to say that she had a perspective that I can't accept.

BUT THEN, A CHORD STRUCK MY HEART.

What was I thinking? She is my friend. I laughed with her, I shared my moments with her, I went out with her, I cried with her, I imagined crazy scenes with  her. We once had a beautiful relationship. But it just ended. And I don't know how it really did. We just sort of drifted away from each other. Now, I could only make fancy conversations with her. We weren't what we were before.

As I sit here longer, I began to see her own way. Yes, I understood her, alright.
I was mad at her because of all the things that she said, I had the opposite way. Because of all the things that she wrote down, I had my own perspective of things. I hated her because she didn't see the whole story the way I wanted it to be seen.

Well, in the end, the bottomline was that, IT WASN'T MY FAULT. IT WASN'T HERS, EITHER.
This whole issue is that people are people. We have issues. We have different point of views. We have differences. That's what makes up life. Because if God hard-wired us the same traits, genes, and way of thinking, I don't think He build humanity after all.

Nobody had to say sorry, I understood her. And through that, I understood my part, too.

* I just wished that she tried understanding our part, too because I made myself see her perspective clearly. And one more thing, I just wished that she used a clean language.

----The END----

Seeing it MY WAY...

Okay, here's what happened: I'll cut the shortcuts and proceed to the detailed happenings of my life...my recent life happening.

I was browsing posts on Tumblr when I saw my classmate message my other classmate. An insignificant message, though but I now finally found out the url of my classmate. It's been a complicated one so I haven't succeeded on my previous tries of locating it.
Anyway, I typed the url and then, I started browsing her posts. After a few pages, I saw her post about what happened that day. She was my groupmate on my Economics project and so far, she hasn't done anything. Come on, it's a business proposal and all that, of course it's hard to do!
There were maths, and computations, and all the in-betweens. So, obviously, we needed her help. We've spent a lot of time finishing it without her and her shadow on sight. Still, we did that. Without her significant help.
The day before the passing, one of my groupmates made her type the drafts and make the Sales Projections. She finally said yes. And take note that she didn't come to us for her part. We came to her. Might as well include her in the grade or something.

Well, we did the other things that were still left unfinished.

---The Next Day---

She didn't come to school because she caught a fever. Well, she delivered her finished work and yeah, we put  up with it even though her Sales Projections was just copy-pasted from the internet, not even bothering to change the company's name. So yeah, it was fine with me. She did help a little bit.
But last night, I couldn't help letting out my feelings. Had she done something on our project? Had she put on her full efforts in it? Had she slept late because she had so many things to type, or edit? Had she spent her free time on her classmates' house instead of just resting?

NO. She wasn't there when all of us were. And now there she was saying that she had so much work to do and she was sick and their ink was very expensive and all. There she was cursing all the way down to her last scene of events when she wasn't there when we passed it. To top it all off, she posted my exact words on Tumblr making me the bad guy of her story. Yet, here I sat in front of my computer screen, letting the steam come off silently.
How in the world did she found out our side comments and complaints?
All because of a mouth who could never stop talking about someone else's life. I knew her attitude ever since we met but I wasn't this irritated. If she had kept her mouth shut, nobody would have problems.

Well, hey, I'm not perfect. My patience runs a little dry at times. I had to say that she had a perspective that I can't accept.

BUT THEN, A CHORD STRUCK MY HEART.

What was I thinking? She is my friend. I laughed with her, I shared my moments with her, I went out with her, I cried with her, I imagined crazy scenes with  her. We once had a beautiful relationship. But it just ended. And I don't know how it really did. We just sort of drifted away from each other. Now, I could only make fancy conversations with her. We weren't what we were before.

As I sit here longer, I began to see her own way. Yes, I understood her, alright.
I was mad at her because of all the things that she said, I had the opposite way. Because of all the things that she wrote down, I had my own perspective of things. I hated her because she didn't see the whole story the way I wanted it to be seen.

Well, in the end, the bottomline was that, IT WASN'T MY FAULT. IT WASN'T HERS, EITHER.
This whole issue is that people are people. We have issues. We have different point of views. We have differences. That's what makes up life. Because if God hard-wired us the same traits, genes, and way of thinking, I don't think He build humanity after all.

Nobody had to say sorry, I understood her. And through that, I understood my part, too.

* I just wished that she tried understanding our part, too because I made myself see her perspective clearly. And one more thing, I just wished that she used a clean language.

----The END----

Seeing it MY WAY...

Okay, here's what happened: I'll cut the shortcuts and proceed to the detailed happenings of my life...my recent life happening.

I was browsing posts on Tumblr when I saw my classmate message my other classmate. An insignificant message, though but I now finally found out the url of my classmate. It's been a complicated one so I haven't succeeded on my previous tries of locating it.
Anyway, I typed the url and then, I started browsing her posts. After a few pages, I saw her post about what happened that day. She was my groupmate on my Economics project and so far, she hasn't done anything. Come on, it's a business proposal and all that, of course it's hard to do!
There were maths, and computations, and all the in-betweens. So, obviously, we needed her help. We've spent a lot of time finishing it without her and her shadow on sight. Still, we did that. Without her significant help.
The day before the passing, one of my groupmates made her type the drafts and make the Sales Projections. She finally said yes. And take note that she didn't come to us for her part. We came to her. Might as well include her in the grade or something.

Well, we did the other things that were still left unfinished.

---The Next Day---

She didn't come to school because she caught a fever. Well, she delivered her finished work and yeah, we put  up with it even though her Sales Projections was just copy-pasted from the internet, not even bothering to change the company's name. So yeah, it was fine with me. She did help a little bit.
But last night, I couldn't help letting out my feelings. Had she done something on our project? Had she put on her full efforts in it? Had she slept late because she had so many things to type, or edit? Had she spent her free time on her classmates' house instead of just resting?

NO. She wasn't there when all of us were. And now there she was saying that she had so much work to do and she was sick and their ink was very expensive and all. There she was cursing all the way down to her last scene of events when she wasn't there when we passed it. To top it all off, she posted my exact words on Tumblr making me the bad guy of her story. Yet, here I sat in front of my computer screen, letting the steam come off silently.
How in the world did she found out our side comments and complaints?
All because of a mouth who could never stop talking about someone else's life. I knew her attitude ever since we met but I wasn't this irritated. If she had kept her mouth shut, nobody would have problems.

Well, hey, I'm not perfect. My patience runs a little dry at times. I had to say that she had a perspective that I can't accept.

BUT THEN, A CHORD STRUCK MY HEART.

What was I thinking? She is my friend. I laughed with her, I shared my moments with her, I went out with her, I cried with her, I imagined crazy scenes with  her. We once had a beautiful relationship. But it just ended. And I don't know how it really did. We just sort of drifted away from each other. Now, I could only make fancy conversations with her. We weren't what we were before.

As I sit here longer, I began to see her own way. Yes, I understood her, alright.
I was mad at her because of all the things that she said, I had the opposite way. Because of all the things that she wrote down, I had my own perspective of things. I hated her because she didn't see the whole story the way I wanted it to be seen.

Well, in the end, the bottomline was that, IT WASN'T MY FAULT. IT WASN'T HERS, EITHER.
This whole issue is that people are people. We have issues. We have different point of views. We have differences. That's what makes up life. Because if God hard-wired us the same traits, genes, and way of thinking, I don't think He build humanity after all.

Nobody had to say sorry, I understood her. And through that, I understood my part, too.

* I just wished that she tried understanding our part, too because I made myself see her perspective clearly. And one more thing, I just wished that she used a clean language.

----The END----

Linggo, Oktubre 30, 2011

Turned to dust---Just Like that…But then, HOPE.


So, this is actually a sequel to my latest post: WOW. UNBELIEVABLE.
Well, I don't exactly know when to start. Second Grading is almost to its end, and of course, dreaded tests go sneaking up my back again.
Calculus was the one I was fearing above all of the subjects that I study. And I'm so right. Calculus really ruined my LIFE.

I got a real awful score at the prelims so when I computed my highest possible grade,...Man, I didn't even pass!!
The whole world literally became darker, everything fell apart. And so, I'm back to depress mode.
I made a silent pact to myself that I won't cry because of grades. But these eyes kept on spilling tears...
I'm good at hiding my feelings, though they can be overwhelming at times, so I successfully stopped myself from crying. Everybody around me seemed fine. Yeah, they were FINE. I despised the fact that while I sit there, knowing that life took a turn for the worst, they go on and have their lunch as if Calculus was just an easy bump on the road. Well, obviously, it wasn't just a small matter to me. It looked like Mt. Everest, boasting its high peaks in front of my ashamed face.

There. A terrible thing just happened to me. But something worse made it to the center stage.
As I sit there, watching everything go to ruins, I thought that my friends would be my consolation prize. Still, I didn't feel any comfort. Nobody ever said that it's going to be okay. I realized then that the more I convince myself alone, the more I can't believe it. I need someone, anyone to be there---even for just a short period of  time. That would've changed something in me.

As I went deeper into my dark day, Calculus seemed a substory . I focused on the fact that my friends weren't there when I needed them the most. I wanted them to be there. More than that, I NEEDED them. I felt alone and sad and disappointed by what I have just experienced and it hurt. I'm already down, and  although they didn't exactly do it, they even pushed me to the ground some more, instead of extending a hand. -Sigh- I guess I have to keep this to myself though, I simply don't want complications in life and hey, I just let out my feelings here, NO HOLDS BARRED. So maybe, yeah, I'm ready to forgive then forget. Yeah, I will. But still, I felt down. Very down.

But this entry won't end in a hopeless tone.

God became my last shred of hope. Unlike the disappointment that slapped me across the face earlier, God never turned His back on me. He stayed there. He stayed with me. I wasn't worth that. I've been an irresponsible and hard-headed and stubborn person. But yet HE STAYED. Of all, He didn't give up on the wrecked me. He never took His eyes off me for just a split-second, when He could have. He was there. he loved me despite of all my wrong moves and horrible indecision.

He was the one who kept me SANE. I was on the edge of the cliff. I'm so close to stepping down. But His hand stayed me there. His Love kept me on my feet. His Grace kept me walking.

I LOVE HIM, THAT'S ALL,.

Martes, Oktubre 18, 2011

WOW. UNBELIEVABLE.

I've never been such a fan of Math-it never became one of my elements. In fact, there were times when I really, really despised it. But even though we weren't in such good terms, I found a way to somehow work things out.

But then here's the catch: I HATE MY MATH TEACHER. IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE TEACHES THE SUBJECT I DESPISE. BUT BECAUSE HE SIMPLY MADE IT WORSE.


I tried to be patient. I mean, it is a natural fact that people most of the times get unreasonable. But people, like me, runs out of steam sometimes. Here I was, doing what I shouldn't be doing again: HATING PEOPLE. I mean, it's just so...wrong. As a christian, I was supposed to be different. But what did I do? I got along the roller coaster ride when God would've wanted me to say NO.

Sometimes, it's so easy to let go. Sometimes, it's too easy to just let the chips fall as they are. But what I've learned is that there are always two paths to take: One is easy. And it's only reward is that it's easy. So there. EASY. Nothing else waited for me beyond that path. Maybe it's much the struggle. But deep down, I know that it was worth it. 


Okay, going back to the true topic of this entry. Realizations.


  • I was wrong. I didn't live in God's will; I lived in mine, which was very, very wrong any way I look at it.
  • I got carried away by the enemy's distractions and I disappointed my Father.
  • I got lost in the battle because I let myself be affected. Come on, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
-Sigh-. Then the conclusion is that I have to find a way to understand the lesson without my teacher explaining anything. Even though my anger somehow subsided, I still don't think that he's doing the right thing, you know.  He gives a lesson to study overnight, and the next thing you know is he gives a seat work first before explaining the whole thing. Honestly though, if you studied but was still unable to understand by yourself, what then is the point? Ugh. That is so unfair for me, whose talents don't involve square roots and apothems.

Anyway, PATIENCE WILL ALWAYS PAY OFF.

Linggo, Oktubre 16, 2011

WATCH ME.

Real Steel. I get to watch the movie last Saturday in the cinema. I've seen the trailer when I watched Pirates of the Caribbean, and it was good. Great, even. But the movie didn't send me running to the Internet to see the showing dates. My dad seemed very interested about the movie and so, we ended up watching it.

Ooopppsss...My bad. Turns out Real Steel was awesome and amazing. Here I was, eating my ow words again... The father-son relationship was beautiful. And of course, Hugh Jackman stayed handsome. I just think that his hair's a lot better in X-Men. Just stating facts.

Watch me. That's the line that I loved when Charlie (Jackman's character) was talking to the robot, ATOM (which at first I thought was ADAM. We arrived in the middle of the movie so,...). Atom couldn't hear Charlie's voice commands so he immitated his actions in the last round.

_____________________________________________________________________

While waiting for the movie to restart, I found myself making a scene in my head. I grew up in the family who earns enough. In the society's range, we were in the middle. I wouldn't consider us poor. We're blessed, in this world and in eternity. But then, inside the cinema, I saw a lot of wealthy people. Teenagers of my age, with their parents and DS's...
_____________________________________________________________________

A girl was running barefoot out of those grand doors, holding her heels in her right hand; a man wearing a black suit was paces back, chasing her.


*It's actually hard to tell that imaginary scene in my head unknown so let's name the two:  Alex and David.

"Wait Alex, hold up..." David tries to grab her hand, to make her stop, but misses. He tries again, succeeds this time, turning Alex to face him. She tried to break free from his grasp. "I have to go, David."
"I won't let you go until you tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong. I just have to go..."
"Something is wrong. Tell me."
"Because I...I don't belong."
"What?! Why are you saying that?"
Silence.
"Tell me why, Alex."
...
"WHY?"
"The same old why, David. Because I don't belong in your world. Because I'm afraid I won't fit in. Because I don't want you to get hurt. Because I don't see you in my world. Because I seriously can't picture us together, just the two of us. Because I love you. And I know that's frightfully wrong."

END OF IMAGINATION.
____________________________________________________________________

And then the trailers starts. I'm back to reality once again.
Yeah, my mind goes under these glitches at times...



Sabado, Oktubre 15, 2011

What I Just Realized.

Stephen King. One of the most-revered writers, of all-time, I guess. I never read any one of his works, actually. But his name would always ring a bell. WHO WAS HIM, ANYWAY?? All I know is that he is a famous writer. End of story. But then, here I was, sitting in front of my computer without any particular thing to do. The next thing I know is that I opened a tab that lead to my favorite search engine. I typed one of his works: The Shining. Oh, now I remembered how Stephen King came in to view.


I forgot my blogspot password so I decided to send the information to my Yahoo mail which of course, lead to the Yahoo homepage. Lady Gaga's performance was the first of the headlines. The next was about America's Most Haunted Hotels. Intrigued, I clicked the link and read my way to the bottom of the page. Unsatisfied, I searched for more haunted hotels until I found a site wherein one of the featured hotels inspired STEPHEN KING to write a novel about that place. Half of it was done inside one of the hotel's rooms.


Then that was it. I looked up the novel in Google and read the whole plot. Okay, it was horror. The truth is, I was never a fan of anything horror. In my own perspective, it'd be senseless to waste money on the things that would only leave you with sleepless nights, along with that, eyebags. But Stephen King's work sounded very imaginative. I looked up more of his works and read the plot of the few such as The Girl who Loved Tom Gordon, Salem's Lot, Gerald's Game and Carrie, King's first work whose plot turned out to be yes, scary but also promising in a way.

I have only read the plots of a few of his works but I already arrived with a conclusion: A HORROR WRITER. I don't know, I just...Geeessshhh... Stephen King didn't turn out to be what I expected. I thought he was supposed to be a suspense-thriller writer. Well, suspense is present on horror genres, right? I just thought that he'd be more focused on killers and crime scenes. Not vampires and girls who could mess up the prom and the whole town as well.

Since I never really took a time to see who Stephen King was, I think it was just right to arrive at the fact that I never realized the worlds that Stephen King made. Anyway, now I know. That doesn't change the fact that he is not my favorite writer.

Well, what do I want, anyway?? I guess I don't focus much on any particular genre. It depends on my mood, and how the writer keeps me turning the pages of the book. Maybe, someday, I get to read one of his works and realize that he really is a great writer. SOMEDAY.